7 tips on “How to say no”.

Sometimes it’s difficult to say no – and having said it, it’s even harder to mean it. Does this sound familiar? In uncertain times it’s tempting to say yes to everything, so it’s time to give your no some substance.

Get your balance back, reinforce your boundaries and make your yes a hell yes! with my seven quick tips.

Where we are now

For many of us, one of the delights of lockdown was not being pulled from pillar to post. We were able to hunker down, close the door and be in our bubble. Now that we’re opening up again, the demands and overwhelm are increasing – and the push and pull has begun once more.

If you’re like me and determined not to fall back into the busy and unbalanced trap, then something needs to give. Being clear on our boundaries and saying no is an area where we can give and make changes.

Here are my seven top tips to make this happen:

1. Be practical

What kind of balance do you want?

Start by dividing your life into sections – friends, work, health and family for example.
Roughly work out what percentage of your time is taken up with each one.
Here you should be able to see which areas are taking your time.
Be realistic and work out how much time you would ideally like to be spending in each area.

2. Be honest

What needs to give? Be really frank with yourself and be prepared to make a change. If you’re spending 80% of your life at work, are you happy with this? What boundaries do you need to put in place, and when do you need to say no?

3. Be Inquisitive

To start the process of setting boundaries, start with one area of your life and ask yourself these questions:

When do I want to work, rest or play? (And be as specific as you can with which days, times and how often). Write them down like you’re setting an intention: ‘From now on I will work (rest or play) on xxx’.
What am I currently doing?
What’s stopping me from doing what I want to be doing?
When would I be prepared to bend on my new boundaries, and when would I absolutely not?
What will help me to make these changes?
Who do I need to tell?
What support do I need – and from whom or where?
What are the benefits of these changes – to me and others around me?

Setting boundaries helps with how to say no

4. Be vocal

To prevent misunderstandings and unintended boundary breaches I would definitely recommend telling the people you know and love about your changes and why you’re making them.

5. Be positive about the negative

Start saying no – just do it, there’s no easy way. Be clear on your boundaries and then when someone asks you to do something or wants your time outside of that, just explain ‘I’m really sorry but’:

I’ve got too much on at the moment.
I’m happy to do this next month (but only if you have enough time, energy or willingness to).
This doesn’t fit with my plans.
If you helped me with something then maybe I could. Let’s talk about how we can assist each other.

6. Be focused

Don’t feel guilty – I see this all the time. You’ve stuck to your guns, you’ve got the time back for yourself and then bam! You feel so guilty you can’t use that lovely spare time for you. Keep your attention on your vision, why you are doing this and what the benefits will be for you.

7. Be a devil

Make sure you use that time as you intended – go on, allow yourself to enjoy some me-time. You deserve it but remember, you need it too, we all do. Time to chill, time to exercise, time to just be. This is your valuable and precious space to reset and refuel your being, so enjoy!